I Know

Dear Daddy,

That's so strange that you wrote about that. I was just thinking yesterday about the emotional weight you must be carrying. That's one of the things that had me so upset. I pictured myself in your shoes. One of the first things that I thought about is how guilty I would feel. Isn't that strange?! I thought I would feel so terrible that John was having to walk me through such a terrible thing. To carry not just the burden of my illness and his own emotions, but also the daily burdens of life that I would no longer be able to carry. It devastated me just picturing it. I will probably fear it for the rest of my life.

There's a song out now by one of my favorite singers, Martina McBride. It's actually about a woman who is diagnosed with cancer. Her husband tells her, "when you're weak, I'll be strong, when you let go, I'll hold on." Nobody can pretend that this is easy- or even that it's not a burden. That's just the truth. But it's not a burden from YOU. I know you know this, but let me remind you. NOBODY blames you. Nobody resents you. We hate cancer, we question God, but we love you. We love you even more every day.

The reality is that none of us knows how our story will end. . until it does. Some people have a story that ends abruptly, and others have a longer ending- an ending about and through which they can write so that maybe those they love can learn and grow from that experience. And who's to say which one if more difficult? We can live our charmed lives and assume that we'll be lucky enough to avoid tragedy, but for many of us, that's just not true. You are not the only one who has felt this way, who has carried this burden. We are not the only ones who have felt this pain. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, except this: You would do it for us. You wouldn't even think twice about it. You would do it for mom, for me, for the girls, God forbid. We are doing for you not only what God asks of us, but merely what we know you would do for us. You have taken care of us our entire lives, now let us take care of you. And stop apologizing.